ADF·Dedicant·Journal

The little garden finished producing its load of yellow bush beans so they have been pulled out. The Kale is still going strong and I hope to keep harvesting that into the winter months. I've found the entire episode to be very fruitful in regards to the druid program. The attention that I've paid to this garden has increased my awareness of the weather and the season.

I am moving forward on another project inspired by druidism training - getting my weight under a normal level. There is a virtue of moderation that leads me to believe that if one was truly living a life of moderation then one wouldn't be overwieght. This is also proving to be another educational experience.

I've still neglected the mental discipline side of druidism to this point. I'm finding that the physical aspects are new to me and require more attention at this time. As in most things with this program I seem to be mulling over the idea of daily devotions in the back of my mind which is good.

I've also decided to go back to work in an old career of mine. This is proving to be an area that cries out for some mental discipline as I am feeling myself pulled into my old stressful habits. I removed myself from the field years ago as I was unable to keep myself from becoming overly stressed and completely out of touch with the real world and certainly anything spiritual wouldn't have been given any priority. Balance is being maintained and I strongly suspect having the structure of druidism even as fragile as it is at this point, is proving to be an important aspect of that.

On the deity front am I still drawing a blank. I have a side that is deeply sceptical around the idea of gods and it may have something to do with it. I am not a big fan of a higher power - to vague. The idea of multiple gods and other beings is certainly more appealing to me and I do enjoy the idea of ancestor worship so perhaps some time spent there is a good starting point.

So its been a while since I last posted. I'm having a great time with the program and feel I am learning lots. Much is changing in my life. Its good.

For the nature aspect of the dedicant program I have undertaken a project involving planting the front flower bed with a mixture of flowers and veggies. The thing has provided me with great learning experiences...and I think that must the benefit of taking on a project when you're not sure of the point or the chances of success.

I wasn't prepared to enjoy the job so much. For a year I've stared at the hardened area of dirt that once contained an enormously wide and short shrub and many weeds. I knew the 'soil' needed to be turned over and it also needed something else added to it so it was more like soil and less like whatever it was. It took me days to rework that dirt. I became almost obsessed with the work, continuing to work it even through the incredible rain that we had that weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed doing it, although people were staring at the muddy woman sitting in a hole breaking dirt clumps up with her hands.

It has been about 6 weeks and the flower bed is lush. I have beans, kale, tomatoes and strawberries for veggies. I also recently added sage, oregano and basil. The rest it is over flowing with orange, yellow, purple and white flowers.

So what have I learned? I learned that I don't value nylons as much as I value my cherry tomatoes. You see I had one of those moments where you realize something you always knew but just never acknowledged.

My 2 cherry tomatoes grew to the point where yesterday I decided I needed to stake them up. In this area of Canada if the tomatoes get rained on then they go all moldy. So they had to be hoisted back under the overhang of the house. Now being involved in this druid stuff for a few months has me thinking about many new things like not buying things I don't need, trying to figure out recycling, changing what I buy to be more environmentally intelligent. So all these things swirl in my head as I go into the house to look for something soft to hold up my tomato plants. In the back of my mind I'm looking for an old pair of nylons because they are perfect for this kind of thing. In the other parts I'm pondering druid things and how they fit into my crazy life.

I open the top drawer in my dresser. I don't have old nylons. I don't like wearing nylons. I have a new pair. I pick up the new pair and remove them from the package. I stand there for a minute staring at them...stretching them. Meanwhile there is a mini-war going on involving ego, fashion, recycling, tomatoes and even my mother. This is what it is like for me in this program. I just pour in more druid information and listen to the constant internal bickering between a loose collection of characters. But alas they are merely noise as I've learned to just follow this other part that just knows what to do.

So the nylons are cut up the middle and I'm back outside laughing to myself about hoping I don't get any runs as I tie up the tomotoes. The tomatoes look great today.

I have become the crazy lady...or perhaps always was.

I've been taking the bus each day...which is something I was very against pre-dedicant. It is interesting the way we can distort reality to suit our wants. In the end it takes me the same amount of time, allows me to travel during rush hour times rather then avoid them, consistently arrive at work according to a set schedule rather then hoping there are no accidents and my personal favorite, I get to sip coffee and read a paper while I'm being driven to my job. I absolutely love it.

I'm a little shocked in the little changes that are occuring around environmental issues. PD I was almost anti-environmental. I realized that I do want to live in a more sustainable manner but I don't want to do things that don't really make a difference - like buying organic food from Brazil. I knew that I needed to do some research in order to find what made sense to me.

The idea of buying locally grown produce and also growing it myself is a great idea. So I'm making more of my own lunches and I've planted beans, kale, tomatoes and strawberries in my flowerbeds. I spent 3 days in the dirt of those beds making the soil better. It has immediately paid off in a lot of bush beans sprouting up. I think I could hide a lot of veggies and fruit in my front yard and no one would be the wiser.

Today is a beautiful sunny day. I completed my beltaine ritual without a hitch...unless you call the husband attempting to steal offerings a hitch. It was quite involved and sort of fun.

This was the first ritual I did with my husband walking around. Normally I do them when he's out. It seemed not such a big deal to have him witness it. I dealt with the eckel cake envy by negotiating to give him half of one of the sacred cakes after the ritual was complete. He took it to work the next day. Somehow this ADF stuff seems not so weird and flakey. Maybe I'm starting to feel comfortable with it.

I began carving my next alter piece. This one is a 50 pound piece of light green soapstone. So far I've worked on it twice and stared at it many times trying to see whats supposed to be made. Today was amazing as I almost starting to cry because I was filled with so much joy while working on it. I can only stand about an hour at a time...a mixture of too much bliss, dust and sore back muscles. LOL.

It's Beltaine tonight and I've gathered together all the elements for the ritual. This time I downloaded a norse ritual from the ADF website. For offerings I have an apple, 2 eckel cakes, some dried fruit, seeds and some animal shapes made out of beeswax. Instead of using nine different woods to make the fire I'm trying nine pieces of birch bark with the names of the woods written in ogham. Let's hope this goes well. Last time I didn't have enough offerings but I think the gods cut me some slack because I'm new.

I've carved up one piece of my alter and I like it. It's polished soapstone with a triple spiral carved in it.

Other then that I'm still working on the virtue of piety. There seems to be a lot for me to learn on that one virtue. I'll stick with it until I feel I've got it figured out and then move on.

I had a bit of a panic about all the gods, picking the right gods, picking the right group. I sat down with the dedicants manual and calmed down a bit. I seem to be on track with all the items in there, I probably right where I need to be.

I managed to scrape together some kind of ostara high day ritual even though I have no idea who the gods are or whether any are out there. It was roughly in the ADF style - although a little on the light side. I ended up with not enough for offerings. I really need to attend a full ADF ritual so I can wrap my brain around it more.

So I finally finished the book. I feel like I have walked a hundred miles across rocks with only socks on. But it is done. I've roughed in the book report and will leave that for a few days as I reflect. The longer I'm away from that book the more difficult it is to remember the pain and I'm amazed that some of the content stuck even though I felt like I was just dragging my eyes across the pages.

When people ask me, what did you do to call yourself a druid, I will proudly say, "I read that damn book over there." Nothing more will need to be said.

First book I'm reading is A History of Pagan Europe. What kind of book is it? Well the last 42 pages are index, bibliography, etc and why am I mentioning that? Because it means I don't have to read that part. It means I've reached the halfway point. This book is dry. It gives a blow by blow history of...well, pagan Europe. Not sure what I was expecting, but this is killer dry.

I think its a good thing to read, especially in the context of ADF. Its good to know the background of a religion. I've learned many things. For instance, I learned that The DaVinci Code wasn't annoying enough with its shake down of the church. After reading half this book I say to Dan Brown - who cares who JC got it on with - the entire basis of the church has very little to do with Jesus. Plus Europe's history involves one people occupying another people's land continuously. Its like thats what human beings do is gather together with their friends and take over some person's land for awhile.

The only difference with Christianity is that Rome really took to the structure of it, and not so much the ideals of it, and used it to suppress a lot of people's culture. This is a huge complaint here in Canada where the government and the catholic church tag teamed together and separated native children from their parents in order to educate them and give them a "chance." I see it was just another chalk mark on the wall of cultures that were suppressed.

I found I had to put this book down often as I find it not only painfully boring to shift my eyes from one side of the page to the other but also because it caused me to rage around the house. One thought that irritating me was what if you took everything that was pagan out of Christianity? Are we still interested? No Xmas, no chocolate bunnies, no singing in church, no good partying holidays, no dancing, no making a wish and tossing a coin in a well. Life without paganism is pretty much bland. No wonder the church incorporated pagan things back into their rituals. Hell, I wouldn't go to church unless you supplied some wine and huge parties and then sealed the deal with fire and brimstone. Its similar to the way pimps lure young girls into prostitution. Okay maybe I crossed the line with that analogy.

As you may notice I'm a little short fused on this topic. I'm not the least bit against Christians. They can enjoy Jesus, their Bible and the Church all they want. More power to them. And they don't corner the market on oppression nor did they invent it. I'm just feeling a little peeved that I didn't learn this history lesson in school, instead I was listening to Canada's history which involved beaver pelts, rivers and cod. I've also had a sore spot for years that I was born into a culture that doesn't appeal to me. Also, as I read this book I am also reading books on behavior, genes, and debunking myths so I'm all hopped up on intellectual bs and I have no way of letting off steam - except through this blog.

So I'll go back to reading a few pages of dryness and see where this book leads. I already started reading the next book on the list but I had to stop as it was far to exciting and threatens to draw me away. But so far I think its a good foundation. I've noticed I've increased my wine consumption.

I happen to move to an area that is surrounded by nature trails. I had no idea that I could walk for hours in urbanized 'nature' or NATUREtm as it were.

The town has huge power lines running through a section of it, and someone decided to treat it like a nature preserve. They really seem to be more concerned with making it a habitat for animals then a walk for people, which is a nice change. Fences are up to prevent people from damaging the forest floor. Fallen trees are cut, split, and then left to rot. Beautiful.

There's a bog with a river running through it, so a person gets blasted with wind while they make their way across it. On the other side were three gigantic maple trees. I actually discovered them by accident. The trail winds past them. I noticed a tree and stopped purely to see if it was an oak. I had been thinking about oaks being so important to druids and wondering if it would be a crime to prefer maples instead. The maple trees on the coast are magnificant. So when I stood next to it I saw it was a maple tree, and about 12 feet away there was another, and another on the other side.

Well, whats a druid in training supposed to do? I ran to the center and stood...Nice. Most of the lower branches touched the ground. Moss grew thick all over the tree and ground. Under my feet it was all spongy. Cars whizzed by. Perfect urban druid place of solitude.

On the way back to my home I picked some tall reed grass to construct an "old man winter" dolly out of. Apparently one beats this three times and then tosses the senior citizen into flames. I like it.

TODAY I spent about 8 hours on a piece of artwork for oakleaves. I had grandiose ideas of making all kinds of artwork for it. Instead I spent a total of 12 hours on one text header. I like it. I'll burn the original. We'll see if the art director wants to use it.

Next I need to decorate an egg or three, and construct the doll.

I wanted to see if anything more came up around the idea of wisdom so I've been living with the idea of it, or even attempting to live life through it, if that makes any sense to my enormous fanbase out there.
Seems like when I feel I have it then I don't seem to come across as wise at all.
But when I just react naturaly from a state of...I'm going to say balance or wholeness, then wisdom seems to be there. Guess human beings always are human first, and maybe they can be great and small at the same time eh?
So wisdom seems to be there in the background if you keep your ego out of the way, live centered and eat bran flakes for breakfast. I didn't realize it was so touch and go...
Next I'll move onto...piety.

I have become obsessed with ogham script.
I wondered briefly if it was a result of doing this training. I recall a 'disease' that affects some people when the visit israel - they grow a beard, wear white and start babbling scripture. But then again I think I'm just fascinated with it. I also love runes and often doodle them on paper. I've also dragged out the old celtic knotwork texts again...being an artist I have all these books and techniques I enjoy. I'm thinking about carving the world tree that I need for my alter.

GUILDS!
I was aware that there was a clergy guild, and a few others for artists, bards, lithurgists(?) but I had no idea there was a brewers guild. I need to learn more about these guilds. Are they simply there to add more potential study for druids? I must admit I know almost nothing about druidism, other then what I briefly have read over the past month. And I have my generalizations about old men in stonehenge. Beyond that I'm just learning as I go. So far I'm liking what I'm finding out about it. Nothing too scary...except for a cross section of druid society that enjoy being naked in public, but even thats fine as long as they don't mind me staring.

Last night I did the dedicant's oath. First I scrubbed off all the day's dirt with natural soap made with essential oils, rubbed myself with rose oil, braided my hair and dressed in natural fibers. Not sure what was going on with the neo-hippy theme but I rolled with it.

Recipe:
3 sticks of incense
candle
wine
oath, hand written on recycled paper
new moon
sunset
hawthorn tree
one dedicant

Oath read:
I declare myself to be a pagan,
A seeker of the old ways,
A worshiper of the Elder Gods.
With this holy oath I begin the sacred journey, a druid's path.
I vow to seek virtue in my life.
I vow to keep the rites and words that call to me.
I vow to study the truth of the Elder Paths.
These things I swear to the Gods.

I rewrote it to have two sets of three. It just rolled of the tongue better for me.

It went well. I cooked up a nice meal afterwards, drank a few more glasses of wine and felt driven to start a compost bucket under the sink.

I've now been contacted by a mentor. I am quite excited about that. Now that I have one I seem to have no questions. Isn't that the way it goes.

I'm still working over the 9 virtues. I think I'll mull over each one for a week and then write any insights I gain. So I'll start with WISDOM. The dedicant's manual defines wisdom as: Good judgment, the ability to perceive people and situations correctly, deliberate about and decide on the correct response.

I haven't given the dedicant's oath yet. I am waiting for a waxing moon which is very soon now.

Not really sure what I'm supposed to add to this 'livejournal' thing. I was never a big fan of recording any of my thoughts...slightly paranoid I suppose. But let's see what happens.

I am starting the ADF self study course for dedicants. It involved sending a small amount of money somewhere and getting a membership number which gave me access to a wide variety of information.

I've signed up for some email lists, bought a book, and started answering some questions posed by a study guide called Through the Wheel of the Year.

So far the email 'discuss' list has been full of rants, explanations, attacks, comments all directed towards apparent nudity at pagan events and polygamy. Rather boring subject-wise and a bit upsetting. Email is such a poor method of communication. Since 80% of our understanding coming from body language and tone it seems so ridiculous to even bother engaging at the level it sunk to currently.

Which leads me to the nine pagan virtues. I decided to quickly jot down what I thought these virtues meant before I read the ADF definitions. It was an interesting exercise. I'll post what I wrote.

wisdom seeing the big picture, seeing the truths in many perspective, the patterns of history, and the truth in contradictions
piety worship of the gods naturally through out your day, as a natural form of your daily life, without forethought but with deep devotion
vision ability to see outcomes based on present signs, using your imagination to form images in your head that help guide you forward (keeping a vision),
courage doing things because you are called to do them, even when the people around you may not support you in your actions, doing things even when you own flesh does not wish you to do so.
integrity doing things right(hate that word) even when no one is looking. Bettering the world and your fellow man. keeping your word, honoring your vows.
perseverance sticktoitiveness even when you don't feel like it or don't see the point of your actions.
hospitality kindness to your fellow man, offering what you have freely without expectation of anything in return, adding to the universe.
moderation maintaining yourself without becoming distracted by the demands of the flesh. maintaining a balance between all things you do keeps you balanced in the other areas of yourself - mind, body, spirit. Even doing to much spiritual work can leave your mind and body weakened.
fertility growth, creating more from less. generating.

I'm going to leave it at that for today. Lets see if this livejournal thing works.